What If He Hadn't
by Dewclaw83
Summary: What if Ciel hadn't made the order that ended Doll's Life? What would have happened next?
1. Chapter 1 - A Change of Heart

**Author's Note:** Hello! FYI this thing includes spoilers. This is my first fanfic - ever - but not my first piece of writing, so hopefully it'll be ok! Feel free to point out any errors, incontinuities, mistakes, sentences that don't make sense, and the like. Just so you all know, this is based off the Anime as I have only read #1 and #2 of the manga.  
I chose to a "Ciel x Doll" (My apologies, I am not very familiar with fan fiction slang yet) because I really liked Doll and cried when it was implied that she died. This is mostly me taking her "Death" and making it into a... A "live"? The actual Ciel x Doll thing is probably not going to be very pronounced, but hey.  
(I'm not sure if I'm allowed to put links... But I can't find a rule against it sooo...)  
This little 4 minute clip starts with Doll arriving at the burning manor and ends just about where I start, if you need a refresher: watch?v=wRdzH_yZDUA

 **-~Ciel~-**  
"You'll pay, Smile!" She screamed as she ran at them with her knife drawn.

Her bangs blew out of her eyes and for the first time, Ciel saw her other eye. Ciel buried his face in his butler's coat, "Sebastian..."

"Yes, my Lord."

Ciel felt his butler move and heard the clang of Doll's knife hitting the ground. He felt a tear roll down his cheek, but why? She was just another pawn.

Wait, what was this he heard? A girl crying!

Raising his head, Ciel looked around. Sebastian had a firm grip on Doll's wrist while she sagged, sobbing. Why wasn't she dead?!

"My lord, what would you like me to do with her?" His butler smirked. What a know-it-all.

"Why haven't you killed her?!"

"My lord, I though you may have formed an attachment to her. Do you wish for her to die? Think hard, that which is lost cannot be regained, as you say so often."

"Sebastian..." Ciel said with a note of warning in his voice.

Sebastian tightened his grip on the sobbing Doll's wrist in response and she made a pathetic sound of pain. Ciel watched her for a moment. Could he do it? This girl who had befriended him, shared with him, helped him... and lied to him, tried to hurt him, and kidnapped children?

She looked up at him. No. He couldn't.

"Sebastian, help her up. How dare you treat a lady like that?!" Ha, the irony.

Ciel guessed she could be considered nobility; she did refer to Lord Kelvin as "father" so perhaps... Oh, where was he going with this?

Sebastian relinquished his hold on Doll's wrist, and Doll immediately dove for the knife. That lying !

Sebastian was too quick for her, however. In an instant he had set Ciel down, grabbed the knife himself, and pinned Doll's arms behind her back.

"Young master," Sebastian said, "I do not think she is safe."

Doll struggled against Sebastian's iron grip.

"Nonsense. She is merely grieving. I did the same thing, except I had you on my side then," Ciel paused, how could he get Doll to calm down?

"Smile... Why? Why did you kill Joker... Where are the others?" Doll looked at him pleasingly.

Damn. The others. "The others were sent to my mansion... Unfortunately I had hired some private security for the time I was at the circus," Ciel lied quickly, "I fear that they may have killed the others. And while my orders were to 'erase' you, I can't bear the thought of more people, more friends, dying. And now that Kelvin is dead, the kidnappings can all stop! No one else has to die. Now please, we need to hurry!"

"No!" Doll cried, "Why should I trust you?! You killed Joker!"

Sebastian, still pinning her arms, let go with on hand to rest it on her shoulder, "Miss Doll, I apologize. It was I who killed Joker."

Doll looked revolted and tried to pull away, to no avail.

"It was an accident," Sebastian continued soothingly, "I only meant to stop him, but I... I made a mistake."

Good thinking, Sebastian, shift the blame to yourself.

"Please, Doll," Ciel begged, "Come with me. As it is, we may be too late, but I want to help you!"

Doll stiffened, she clenched her eye shut, which was still producing tears. After a moment she relaxed, "Yes. I will come with you."

Good. "Sebastian, can you carry both of us and get us home quickly?" Ciel inquired.

"Yes, my lord. But do you think that's wise-"

"Sebastian, don't be a fool. She has already seen my contract symbol and your eyes and power. Just get us home!"

"Yes, my lord."

Sebastian scooped up Doll with one arm and Ciel with the other. It was a bit awkward but it worked.

Was this wise? She had tried to kill him and now he was taking her home. He also had to tell the servants about the lie he told before they said something that would ruin this fragile peace. Ciel cursed the fact that Sebastian had carried him here; this would be so much easier if they had a carriage!

"Sebastian," Ciel whispered in his butler's ear as he ran, "Peux-tu parle avec les domestiques, et dire que ils sont obligé de mensonge. Dire que il y a des mercenaires qui a tua la famille de Doll, et que les mercenaires ont partent après cela. Nous ne pouvons pas permettre Doll à savoir que c'est les domestiques qui a tua sa famille." *****

 **-~Doll~-**  
Doll's world had just collapsed around her. Kelvin was dead... Joker was dead... The others were likely dead... Smile was Ciel... Black was a monster, a monster who had carried her and Ciel to the lavish mansion which was where her friends had met their fate.

Upon arrival they quickly discovered blood splatters all over the steps and a huge, blood coated hole in the wall.

Doll felt her knees go weak. Her friends... Her family Sebastian sprinted inside as soon as he had set them down and tied an eyepatch on Ciel's eye. What was he?

Looking at the blood again made her want to puke and she felt light headed. Suddenly, there was a hand in front of her. It was Ciel's. He... He wanted her to hold his hand?

"Master!" Came a voice from the doorway. A small, blond haired boy had appeared, along with a taller man and a maid.

Ciel dropped his hand, "Hello Finny. Mey-Rin. Bard. This is Lady Doll. She will be staying with us."

"Hello!" said the three.

"What is all this blood from?" Ciel demanded; although Doll knew that he knew exactly what it was.

"Oh my! I'm so sorry master! Oh please don't fire us!" The maid, Mey-Rin, said.

"Young Master!" Sebastian was back. The sight of him made Doll's skin crawl, "I can't find the mercenaries anywhere!"

"They took off after a huge fuss in the middle of the night," Bard informed the group from around his cigarette.

A huge fuss? A huge fuss?! That's all they say about the murder of my family?! Doll didn't want to hear any more of this!

"Smi- Ciel! I need some rest. Can we talk about this later?" Erm, how did a noblewoman talk?

"Certainly. Mey-Rin, fetch a night gown for her." Ciel took her hand this time and led her around the pools of her family's blood and into the house.

The inside was almost worse than the outside; there were huge, broken statues everywhere and bullet holes... And throwing knives... Dagger... Doll looked at the floor and let Ciel lead her to a room. Mey-Rin helped her change into the elaborate nightie and wished her goodnight as she blew out the lights.

Doll curled up on her bed and felt alone... Again

 **After Note:** Hope you enjoyed the first chapter. I shall endeavor to write as much as I can. Sorry about the french,, but we know that Ciel can speak it, and he wouldn't want Doll overhearing his secret plan... Here's the translation:

 ***** "Can you talk with the servants, and say that they have to lie. Say that there were mercenaries that killed Doll's family, and that the mercenaries left after that. We can't allow Doll to know that it was the servants that killed her family."


	2. Chapter 2 - A Day with Lizzy

**Author's note:** Yay! Another update, and it's longer this time! I'm probably going to do weekly updates, if I can. Alright kiddies, off you go; lire bien!

 **-~Ciel~-**

After he had walked Doll to her room, Ciel returned to his study. He sat at his desk, Sebastian at his side. Ciel wanted to lay his head on his desk and sleep right there, but he had things to discuss.

"Sebastian, what are we to do? She has no manners, no clothes, and no family now. I suppose we can lend her that dress I wore to the Viscount's party; although it may be a bit small. And you can teach her some manners, can't you?" Ciel rubbed his temples thinking.

"Yes, my lord. I can. But I suggest that we train Mey-Rin to be a Lady's Maid for Lady Doll. In addition to helping Miss Doll get dressed and find her way around the mansion, Mey-Rin can keep her safe if anything happens." Sebastian looked so awake, Ciel envied him.

"You forget, Doll has training as an assassin. She can take care of herself. But I suppose it would be good for appearances if 'Lady' Doll has a maid. Go ahead."

"Lady Doll… Such an odd name. Perhaps we can say her full name is… Dolores, or something," Sebastian suggested.

"Dolores is a horrid name! Well, I suppose it works. I need to go to bed."

Sebastian pulled Ciel's chair back from his desk and he stood. So much had happened in one night.

Oh damn. Lizzy was here. Oh well, he'd think about it in the morning.

 **-~Doll~-**

The door slammed open, "OH MY GOSH YOU'RE SO CUTE!"

Doll jerked awake with a yell. Who was that? Who were they talking to? Where was she? Doll sat up just in time to see a little blond haired girl barreling at her.  
"Oh hello! I'm Lizzy! Ciel's fiancée!"

Still sleepy, Doll thought groggily, 'Ciel has a fiancée?'

"Nice to meet you…" Doll yawned.

"Ciel told me all about your house fire, and I'm sooo sorry! I figured you needed some dresses so I had Paula refit one for you! You'll look ever so cute!"

How could she refuse this girl? It was true she had no clothes that were proper for a noblewoman.

Doll let herself be swept along with this girl's idea of getting ready. Lizzy made idle chitchat as her maid did all the work. How did Ciel stand her?!

The only time Doll did not comply with their wishes was when Lizzy said, "Paula, I think we should put her hair up, it would look so cute in a bun, up out of her face!"

"Oh yes, indeed, my lady!" Paula replied excitedly and reached for Doll's hair.

"No," Doll said firmly, knocking her hand away; there was no way they could convince her to put her hair up no matter what they said. Little did the two know it was covering a very 'un-cute' scar.

At the end of it all, Doll was dressed in a floor length yellow dress; it was nice, although the color did not particularly suit her. Doll thanked Lizzy all the same.

Mey-Rin poked her head in, "My ladies, breakfast is ready!"

Lizzy squealed and ran out of the room, dragging her maid with her. Doll sighed and followed the pair.

Breakfast itself was not too fun, Ciel sat sullenly at the head of the table with Sebastian at his shoulder while Lizzy ran her mouth some more, but the food was delicious.

"Elizabeth," Ciel spoke up, cutting Lizzy off mid sentence, "After lunch can you teach Doll some things about being a gentlewoman? I'm afraid she doesn't know much because her father never had a tutor for her"

"Oh you poor thing!" Lizzy crooned at her, "We'll teach her, don't worry Ciel!"

Doll groaned. More time with this girl.

 **-~Ciel~-**

Sebastian was taking him into town after their visit to the workhouse, as they had an order of coffins to make.

"My lord, what troubles you?" Sebastian inquired.

"I'm merely thinking about what to tell Doll about the others," Ciel replied.

"Would it not have been easier to simply kill her? This is causing you much pain."

He was right, it would've been easier to kill her... In all aspects except the actual killing. He couldn't bring himself to give the order. He remembered her smile, her playfulness. She was his friend. She was also beautiful.

"Sebastian, killing is not always the answer," Ciel said simply.

Sebastian nodded as they bumped to a stop in front of the Undertaker's shop. Sebastian stepped out and helped Ciel down.

Ciel strode into the parlor. For once, the undertaker wasn't inside a coffin, instead he was baking bone shaped biscuits.

"Hello, my little Earl. Here to try some coffins?" The Undertaker giggled.

Ciel made a face, "No, but close, I need to make an order. I need five coffins."

"Five!" The Undertaker looked up from him biscuits, "That's a lot of coffins my lord. Whatever do you need them for?"

"Burying people in, what else," Ciel replied dryly, "I'll have the servants bring the bodies by later. Here's the money."

Ciel tossed a bag of coins to the Undertaker. While the man 'charged' laughter for information, it was actual money to buy coffins.

The Undertaker went back to baking his biscuits, so Ciel and Sebastian left.

 **-~Doll~-**

After only a few hours of manner lessons, Doll was about ready to order Sebastian to kill her herself. 'Sit this way, stand that way, walk like this, smile nicely, start with this fork then use this one,' it was all so dull!

"Can we do something fun, like fencing?" Doll complained finally.

To her surprise, Lizzy responded, "Oooo, yes! I love fencing!"

Mey-Rin led them to a fencing room where, after being taught the basic rules, Doll prepared to face off against Lizzy.

This shouldn't be too hard, Doll did have training as an assassin - kind of - and was used to using her parasol blade, after all.

Doll quickly discovered that Lizzy was really quite great with a blade. They spent over an hour dueling; it was nice to be fighting for the fun if it, not being expected to be a killer.

Suddenly, Ciel walked in, Sebastian at his shoulder as always. The sweaty girls stopped their fencing; Doll pulled her hair away from her eye so she could see.

"Glad to see you two getting along," Ciel quipped. He walked over to Doll and said to her quietly, "Lady Doll, would you like to talk now?"

"About?" Doll inquired, although she could guess; her gut was twisting itself into knots.

Ciel gave her a stern look, turned on his heel and strode out.

Doll hastily excused herself and ran after him.

 **-~Ciel~-**

Doll sat across the desk from him. She was looking down into her lap, fidgeting with a bow on her dress. He took a deep breath and quickly ran over the story - no, the lie - in his head again.

"Doll," he began but she didn't look up, "I had the servants search the grounds today. They found the others," Doll looked up at him suddenly, expectantly, "I'm sorry Doll, they're dead."

Doll looked back at her lap. Her shoulders started shaking first, and then she began crying. For a moment Ciel paused, but he stood and wrapped his arms around her, letting her cry into his shoulder.

Great, this jacket is going to be ruined. Oh well, I'm sure Sebastian can fix it.

After she had stopped crying, he informed her, "I had them sent to my good friend, the Undertaker, and have ordered coffins to be made for them. We'll give them a proper burial."

Ciel stood there, arms around her for what seemed an eternity - and he liked it.

 **-~Doll~-**

Lizzy left that evening; Doll would miss her fencing partner. Mey-Rin had helped her into a nightie again, but after she'd left, Doll had changed into sleeping clothes that she was more used to.

Now, about an hour later, Doll still lay awake on the giant bed. She couldn't sleep. Doll made up her mind to go find Ciel.

She wandered through corridor after corridor until she at last found his room. The door was locked so she knocked softly. A few moments later, Ciel groggily opened the door. He wasn't wearing his eye patch, but he was covering his right eye with his hand. He let it drop when he saw it was her.

"Doll?" He said, rubbing his eyes sleepily, "what do you need?"

"I couldn't sleep."

"I suppose you could come in. You've done it before," he said, opening the door to allow her in.

Ciel got back in his bed and snuggled under the large blanket. Doll sat awkwardly on the edge for a moment before sliding under the sheets herself, keeping a proper amount of room between her and him, of course.

"Ciel," she said suddenly, "What is Sebastian? I know he's not human."

"Huh?" Ciel rolled over and looked at her bleary eyes, "he's a demon."

"And you made a contract with him? That's what that symbol is?"

"Yep." Ciel yawned.

"How does one meet a demon?" Doll knew she was keeping Ciel from his sleep, but she knew she wouldn't have the courage to ask later.

"Well, on my tenth birthday, the manor was attacked. They killed my parents, hurt Tanaka and captured me. I was sold to a cult, where they branded me, as you saw. They... They tortured me. They were trying to summon a demon, with me as the sacrifice, but it was my plea for help that summoned it. He came to me and we made a contract. He would help me obtain my revenge against the cult and the people who killed my parents, and in exchange he would consume my soul. He placed the contract symbol in my eye because the more prominent it is, the more powerful it is. I ordered him to kill everyone and we feld," Doll could tell it was hard for Ciel to talk about this, so she reached out and took his hand.

He sighed and looked at her with his mismatched eyes. For the first time she realized just how evil and predatory Black, Sebastian, rather, was.

Ciel was beginning to drift off to sleep again but Doll had another question, "Why did you kill Father?"

Ciel jerked awake, "What? Oh. He was part of that cult I mentioned, but he was obsessed with me. He couldn't be there the day I was to be sacrificed, so when he heard I had survived, he reconstructed everything," Ciel shivered, "He was going to do it to me again, so I shot him. Joker tried to stop me... But Sebastian went to stop him... And you know demons... You know it's funny. The doctor wasn't actually a cripple and he was making the troupe's prosthetics out of the kidnapped childrens' bones. When Joker found out he tried to get his prosthetic arm off... But he had no hands," Ciel laughed dryly, but Doll's world was spinning again. Gruesome images played in her mind as she thought over what Ciel just said.

"What's more," Ciel continued, "the workhouse and the children their that you guys were trying to protect - it's long gone! It was all for nothing!" Ciel laughed.

Doll, however, was horrified. Her whole life was one big screwed up lie.

Ciel opened his mouth to keep spewing these awful secrets, but Doll stopped him, "Ciel... I don't want to know more. This world, your world, is not much for me, " and with that, Doll rolled over and started to fall asleep.

When Doll awoke in the very early morning, she found Ciel's arm draped over her.

 **After Note:  
** OK, so not actually that long, but it's longER. Can you tell which character I like writing better? I'm not really the type to ask, but reviews would really help me improve my writing. Thanks for reading!


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